Some discover their life purpose early on; others take a lifetime. Most of us fall in-between these poles.
For a long time, my daily life had the trappings of purpose and respectability: I rose early, tended to the kids and went to work at a respectable firm doing respectable work – as measured by the entrenched beliefs on how the world works. Thing is, these beliefs are like the sands of time.
Waking up from this groundhog existence is either a gradual shift that comes from noticing the accumulated paradoxes and trade-offs that accompany life or a jarring experience catalysed by a catastrophe. Both leave you with the realisation that much of your daily life is outside of your control.
Once you see the worlds as it is, rather than how you are told it is, it’s difficult to unsee these truths. The journey to discovering what it means to live well is not easy, mostly because the answer is different for each of us.
My journey was almost derailed by Covid and two debilitating injuries. But that was not the worst of it. The doubts I experienced are by far the worst. Doubt is insidious. It gets under your skin like a virus and takes many forms: self-doubt, the doubts of friends & family and that of society more broadly.
The role of doubt in an artist’s careers is not new. Vincent van Gogh struggled with self-doubt which fuelled his intense self-criticism and mental instability, including depression and psychosis.
Frida Kahlo, known for her self-portraits and vivid surreal imagery, faced doubt from her family and friends and self-doubt. Freda’s mother did not consider her creative life a respectable career, whilst her tumultuous relationship with her husband – Diego Rivera – brought emotional challenges and self-doubt.
Today Claude Monet is the celebrated founder of the impressionist movement and known for paintings such as Impression, Sunrise and his Water Lilly series. Less well known is that fact that his early impressionist works were met with harsh criticism from his peers and the public.
Dealing with doubt in all its guises is not easy and, if you choose to step outside the orthodox view of what constitutes a good life, you will experience all of it.
In the four years since I embarked on this journey, doubt – in all its forms – has delivered a consistent message:
A creative life lacks purpose.
Our modern “work as purpose” culture reflects a view of how the world works that is relatively new. At its heart is the assumption that there is only value in contributing to – and moving forward – man made institutions.
Its proponents ignore the fact that these institutions are human creations – abstractions, really – that exist because we choose to assign value to them. They ignore the fact that these institutions do not contribute to our understanding of the natural order of things. They ignore the fact that, with few exceptions, these institutions produce things that are dead, and society can do without – things that have no intrinsic value.
This null value applies equally to making widgets; to teaching how to make widgets; to teaching how to build institutions; to financing these institutions; to speculating which institutions will reign supreme.
Whilst there is no one size fits all reason for myopically embracing the “work as purpose” culture, ignoring its long-term costs requires a desperate belief in our own exceptionalism – or lack of imagination.
Consider a random tennis partner who, on a sunny day, said – after enquiring about my employment situation – “I worked hard as a lawyer all my life believing that when I am done, I will play a lot of tennis, run and travel. Now – aged sixty – my health is failing, and I cannot do any of those things. I am here, but I cannot run anymore; everything is a compromise.”
What does it mean to live well?
For Seneca living well meant spending his time thinking, learning, reading history and literature, reflecting on the past and present. People like Seneca, Aurelius and Socrates choose the citadel of the mind.
To these men living well meant elevating the human experience or reducing suffering. They did not debate the merit of poetry vs literature vs painting vs philosophy vs science. To them all have equal merit because they elevate the human condition.
Whilst Seneca and Aurelius were undoubtedly wealthy, Socrates was – based on many accounts – extremely poor. However, Xenophon and Aristophanes said that Socrates received payment for his teaching. These men, except for Diogenes, did not accept a life of poverty so that they could live a philosophical life.
Those amongst us who chooses to explore their reason or artistic sensibilities by living a less constrained life – filled equally with play and responsibility – gain an understanding of the natural order of things. These people are true creatives.
They leave traces, whether a painting, a poem, a philosophical practice or a contribution to science that improves the human condition.
Kahlo, Monet and van Gogh eventually succeeded by overcoming doubt through preservation, dedication and an unwavering belief in their artistic vision. They also built supportive communities.
Kahlo dealt with the emotional turmoil in her personal life by building a robust network of friends, colleagues and – yes – a series of lovers who supported her. She stands out because she did not sever relations, rather built a compensating community.
Monet dealt with criticism by surrounding himself with likeminded artists (Renoir, Degas, Pissarro and Sisley), holding independent group exhibitions and accepting support from patrons and collectors. These independent exhibitions helped the group bypass the Salon juries and reach a wider audience.
In contrast, van Gogh’s mental instability and intense personality made it hard for him to build and maintain a community during his lifetime. True to his personality, his intellect and need to belong was sustained by a few close relationships with his brother Theo – also an art dealer and tireless promoter of van Gogh’s work – and artists such as Paul Gaugain, Émile Bernard and Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.
The importance of building community is second only to doing the work. A community offers both mutual supports, stimulating conversation and companionship.
Our culture of individualism and independence, alongside the rise of digital socialising, discourages casual encounters with strangers along with the opportunity for interesting small talk and connection. A fear of the ‘other’ have grown from our isolation – fear of ulterior motives; of those who are not ‘us’ – amplified by the digital echo chambers that govern our realities.
The result is a world where we seldom forge new connections outside of our chosen profession. As time marches the demands of family and corporate life relegates ties forged during our formative years to fond memories and our loneliness grows in a self-reinforcing cycle.
In consequence many professionals who would rather work at a toxic firm or a do unfulfilling work than countenance a new beginning. This is fear; fear of being lonely, fear of being irrelevant.
Kahlo, Monet, and van Gogh chose to walk different paths because, in the courtroom of their minds, it was their judgment—and theirs alone—that decided what living well meant. To them, “what most people think” had no authority.
This mindset gave them the freedom to follow their artistic vision and live on their terms. The fact that van Gogh did not achieve success in his lifetime is a cautionary tale: this is not a carefree Bohemian life.
We must still take care of ourselves and our people. For me, the carefree bit comes when I craft fine images, meet great people, or see a great work of art.
As a species we do not move forward by acting out of fear or greed. Not deciding is, paradoxically, a decision.
So, what is the one thing you can do this week to live more creatively?
Art is the giving by each man of his evidence to the world. Those who wish to give, love to give, discover the pleasure of giving,
Those who live in full play of their faculties become master economists, they understand the relative value of things.
That’s it – thanks for reading! As always, please feel free to hit reply and exchange your thoughts or to just say “hi”.
